I sh!t on myself

1. Most semen swallowed: Michelle Monahan from Los Angeles swallowed a total of 1.7 pints of semen in July 1991 (that’s roughly 0.8 L or almost a whole milk bag). This was later pumped out of her stomach.

2. Longest pubes: Maoni Vi from Cape Town has armpit hair measuring 32 inches and 28 inches from her vagina.

3. Most cavernous crotch: Linda Manning, from los Angeles inserted a fully lubricated American football rugby ball into her vagina. No preparation was needed!

4. Zits: Carl Chadwick, from rugby in England squeezed a zit and shot yellow pus to a great distance of 7ft 1inch in July 1987 (what did the guy do to get a zit this big?).

5. Worst drink: It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of recently attained bull semen which is still warm. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisia.

6. Most offensive cocktail: is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused?) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a ‘C*nt Pump’.

7. Biggest distance for a jet of semen: Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a ’substantial’ amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

8. Longest poo: The longest dump even made was produced by an American who produced a huge amount of 12ft 2inches which was produced over 2 hours and 12 minutes. The man has been banned from using 124 of the washrooms in his state.

9. Most prolonged fart: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 second.

Pretty nasty stuff there huh? I wonder which ones if any are true?